When Worlds Collide

By Mary Ellen Flannery

Good morning, Mrs. Smith, Hi, Mom.

Here are the parents. There are the teachers. And never the twain shall meet—except, of course, on parent-teacher conference days, fall field trips to the pumpkin patch, and the occasional IEP review. But what happens when the teacher also is a parent?

Let’s say you’ve got a student who just won’t hand in her homework. Her father is your colleague on the curriculum committee.. Do you bring it up during science textbook selection? Or, perhaps it’s your own darling who isn’t doing her work. Ack! How embarrassing!

Fortunately, many teacher-parents say those uncomfortable moments are few. In fact, your colleagues with kids say that the confluence of the two roles actually makes them more effective parents and more empathetic teachers.

“Being a parent has definitely made me a better teacher. I am much more empathetic to parents, and more patient and understanding with kids,” says Lisa Turner, a social studies teacher at the Aspen Creek School in Colorado and a parent who is actually teaching her own son this year!

Plus, the dual role does give you an edge on some school-related parenting issues, even if it makes a few others more challenging.

The homework issue: Some kids don’t want to do it, of course. But as teachers, you have plenty yourself. Says one teacher-parent, “Homework was smooth because we were just a school-based household—they did their work, and I did mine. And I always made sure to have poster board, markers, ink cartridges for the printer, and anything I could think of that they would need for projects.”

Another rule that works for Turner is no screens—except for school-related computer work—on school nights.

The behind-the-curtains issue: Do you wonder what your kids are really like at school? You can ask them, you can ask their teachers.or you can find out for yourself. Consider the New Hampshire high school teacher who started an after-school art club at her son’s elementary school. Her son, and his classmates, benefited from her expertise and enthusiasm, and she got an excellent chance to observe her child in the school environment and let him know just how much school participation mattered to her.

The conversations with teachers issue: On the one hand, as a parent who works in a school—maybe even your child’s school—you have great access to your child’s teachers. It’s tempting to stop them in the hall and ask about that mid-term C-minus, isn’t it? Well.don’t. Just don’t. It’s unfair to your colleagues—one teacher describes that kind of drive-by parent-teacher conference as a “gotcha” experience.

Do say, “I’d like to talk to you about Peter: When can we make a date?” Learn from Turner’s example, who says, “I enter the meeting by reminding them that I have my parent hat on, not my colleague.”

The whose-side-are-you-on issue: Remember the days when parents always sided with the teacher? (Certainly your parents did, right?) These days, it seems like parents are much more likely to say, “Oh, no, not my child.I just don’t believe it!” Except, that is, teacher-parents, who say they’re much more likely to say—to their child—“Oh, no, I’m quite sure you deserved that detention.” And that’s fine, to a degree. Students should respect their educators. But, at the same time, make sure your child knows that you’re on her side, too.

Finally, consider that, in a world where educators actually don’t get as much respect (or pay) as they deserve, nobody better understands the time and sacrifices that go into your profession than your own children!

Recounts Turner, “It was very interesting when my son.corrected a fellow student who was speaking badly about a teacher. The other student was saying that teachers have it so easy and don’t work very hard, and my son said, in no uncertain terms, that teachers work very hard, and that his mom is up late and at school late and puts in hours and hours.

“It sure made me feel good to have a student doing public relations for all teachers.”