Departments: In the Light Lane
Makeup Mavens

On the afternoon I distributed class portraits, the principal announced that picture make-up day would be coming soon for those who either missed picture day or would like to have re-takes.

I didn't think I needed to give any more information to my second-graders. They were a bright group and seemed to be paying attention.

But when Friday came, I noticed that two of the girls in my class came wearing eye shadow, rouge, and fingernail polish. Some of the students in the room began teasing these two girls.

Before I could intervene, one of the made-up girls approached me.

"Mr. Lutz," she said, in tears, "didn't the principal say that today was makeup day?"

I didn't know whether to burst out laughing or cry.

Jeff Lutz
Salem, Oregon

I have my fifth graders start every day writing in their journals for 10 minutes. Two weeks ago the question was: How do you know when you are a grown-up? One young man wrote: "You know you're a grown-up when you have a job and you have arthritis."

Kathy Crook
Beaver Dam, Wisconsin

My high school world civilization class was in the computer lab researching information for a paper. A freshman was researching the Egyptian queen Cleopatra and came across many pieces of art dedicated to the Queen of the Nile.

He looked up to me and lamented: "I can't find any good pictures of Cleopatra. She's naked in all of these."

Jerry McDermid
Angola, Indiana

I am an elementary school counselor, and every school year, with first, second, and third graders, I do an activity I call "The United Shades of America." We match our skin color to "people color" paints and paint portraits and walls, make hand print murals, and celebrate who we are and how we look.

The colors are called everything from cinnamon and peach to mahogany and toast. When one third grader's skin color matched the "wheat" color, he became so excited, he hollered, "I'm finally Student of the Wheat."

JoMarie Privitera
Buffalo, New York

In the last minute of two of my classes I tried to make small talk. One day I told the class I was going to dye my hair. The class wag spoke up: "You're too late, Mr. Flood. Your hair's already died."

Thomas Flood
Westminster, Maryland

One of the vocabulary words in my sixth grade English class was "regime." On a worksheet, I asked my students, "Would you rather live in a democratic regime or a regime run by Saddam Hussein? Why?"

One student wrote, "I would rather live in a regime run by Saddam Hussein because I don't want to be a Democrat."

Dawn Arbogast
Tracy, California

In my fifth grade social studies class, while studying about riverboats, we spent class time making boats from Popsicle sticks.

The students were working in groups, and two girls were sitting on the floor by my desk. As I listened, I found out their boat was named "S.S. Friends." The first girl told her friend that she named the boat because they had worked on it together. She went on to explain that boats always have an "S.S." The second girl asked what the "S.S." meant, and her friend told her that it stood for social studies!

Karen Lee
Florence, Kentucky

One year, after Christmas, I told my kindergarten class we would learn how to write our last names. One child looked very perplexed. I asked why. He replied: "But this is the only name I have ever had."

Barb Hirschy
Huntington, Indiana

My kindergarten class had heard me say, on several different occasions, that I would be retiring at the end of the school year. During spring registration, my class spotted a little boy many of them knew, whose parents were registering him for the next year. They asked me if he could join us in the classroom while his parents were filling out all the paperwork.

As we were settling down to hear a story, one of my children said to me, "Will he be in your class next year?" Before I could answer, another student replied: "Oh no, he can't be in Mrs. Dunlop's class. She's going to recycle!" I just wanted you to know that the first six months of "recyclement" have been terrific!

Susan Dunlop
Yuba City, California

I was testing my eleventh grade students on Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, which is written in Middle English. One of the questions on the test was to answer in which kind of English this piece of literature was written. One of my enterprising juniors wrote: "broken English."

Karen Bailin
Cranford, New Jersey

After an especially grueling eighth-grade basketball game, I was listening to my players complain about the game. I stressed all season not to blame the referees, yet one point guard moaned about calls that should have been made.

"Remember," I told her, "referees won't see everything. After all, they're only human. They aren't infallible."

After a moment of silence and puzzled looks, I asked, "You know what infallible means, don't you?"

The point guard replied, "Yes Coach, it's when someone doesn't make any fouls."

Nancy Murphy
Fort Huachuca, Arizona

As a high school English teacher, I don't usually see the "creative" spelling that is common among younger students. Two recent examples, though, got past "spellcheck."

One was the person who graduates at the top of the class: the "Valid Victorian!"

The second was "alphadeta"--affidavit! Now you know why I read aloud while grading papers!

Maryellen O'Shea
Flemington, New Jersey

A student came up to me and said, "Mrs. Bowen, my grandpa is really sick."

I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. What's wrong?"

He replied, "He has tombstones in his stomach!"

Linda Bowen
Mannford, Oklahoma

Got Laughs?

• Have a funny school story, anecdote, or vignette you'd like to share with other NEA members? You can send contributions to "In the Light Lane," NEA Today, 1201 16th St., N.W., Washington, DC 20036. Fax: 202/822-7206. Send E-mail to neatoday@nea.org.

• Want a classroom chuckle delivered to your E-mail box once a week? Subscribe to the new "In the Light Lane" mailing list. Just send an E-mail to join-lightlane@list.nea.org (no subject or message needed).