Departments: In the Light Lane
'Yeah, That's the One!'

When students are absent or late, they must bring in a letter from home or have a parent call to excuse their absence.

One girl came in after missing a half day and reported to the attendance office as required. The girl said she was late because she had a doctor's appointment. But the student didn't have a note from home.

The office secretary offered to call her mom to excuse her absence, but the girl "couldn't remember her mom's work number." The secretary then offered to call and confirm her visit with the doctor, but the girl had forgotten "the name of the doctor."

The secretary then decided to suggest some doctors "in the area" that the girl might have seen.

"Could it have been Dr. Kevorkian?" another secretary then jumped in and asked.

"Yeah! Yeah!" the girl yelled out, without any hesitation. "That's the doctor I saw today!"

Karey Howell
Lakewood Washington

Toward the end of school I was walking my first graders back from the library and holding the hand of the first little girl. She looked at my hand and asked where I got the brown spots. People, I replied, got them when they got older. I asked if her grandmother had them.

Her reply made me decide it was time to retire!

"Not my grandmother," she said, "my great-grandmother."

Jean Weaver
Chesterfield, Missouri

After discussing the greenhouse effect, ozone, and the atmosphere for a week in seventh grade science, I asked a student, "If your mom asked what the greenhouse effect is, what would you tell her?"

She picked up her science book and said, "Look it up." We all laughed.

Alison Graf
New Jersey

Recently, I worked as an aide in a pre-school where teachers are younger than I am.

"Are you a teacher?" a little boy named Zachary asked.

"I've always been a teacher," I said.

"Before you got wrinkly?"

Helen Jones
Lakehurst, New Jersey

Because we have a snack every afternoon in my kindergarten class, we go over proper manners and how to politely turn down a snack that we don't want.

I wasn't sure if the lesson was being absorbed, though, until one morning. As I passed out an activity page we were going to do, one of my students lifted his head and very politely told me, "No, thank you."

Terry McDermid
Joplin, Missouri

As an elementary school counselor, I often discuss behavior with students.

"I hope you can turn yourself around now and have a good rest of the day," I noted to one first grader.

He got up out of his chair, turned it around, and then sat back down in it. We often forget how literal kids are with interpretations.

Kelly McNamara
Worcester, Massachusetts

I was working with a second grade student on some basic comprehension skills.

I had just completed reading a short story about a dog named Spot. The student was asked to follow along with the story, using picture cues.

All of a sudden the student turned to me.

"The dog in the pictures does not have spots," he said, "so why would they name him Spot?"

After I finished praising him for his keen eye, he asked, "But won't that give the dog a complex?"

Jennifer Huff
Allentown, Pennsylvania

I was out in the hall one day and overheard a colleague reviewing shapes with her kindergarten class.

As she held up each construction paper shape, the class would call out the name of the shape.

"Square," they chanted in unison, then, "Triangle."

Holding up the paper circle, the teacher received the correct response from the class. Then the teacher carefully folded the circle shape in half and held it up for her class to see.

"Now what do I have?" she asked.

There was silence, and then an excited voice piped up: "Tacos!"

Deb Hansen
Douglas, Wyoming

I was using a new tape recorder in my third grade classroom and, instead of rewinding the tape, I kept fastforwarding.

When I figured it out, I told my students that I needed to put this down in my "DUH! Journal."

One little boy said, very seriously, "I don't have a DUH! Journal. Do I need one?" I replied, "You probably don't."

Carole Leishman
Vernal, Utah

In Jeopardy

After studying the Southeast region of the United States, I reviewed the chapter with my fourth grade students by playing a game of "Jeopardy."

One of the categories in the game was "A Growing Region." I called on a student to pick a category and a money amount, to which he replied, "I'll take growing pains for $100."

Denise Rosenberry
Willow Hill, Pennsylvania

While teaching my sophomore world geography class, the discussion led to how some countries set quotas on certain imports and exports. Before proceeding, I felt it wise to ensure that everyone knew what a quota was. So I asked.

A young man in the second row raised his hand.

"Okay John, what is a quota?"

His reply: "25 cents."

Harry Vernet
Youngwood, Pennsylvania

One morning last year, a youngster in my special needs class came in and told me that his grandmother was in the hospital. I expressed my concern and asked if he was going to visit her.

"My dad said that I can't visit her," he said, "because she is in the 'You-see-me.'"

Puzzled, I thought for a moment and then it dawned on me.

"Do you mean the ICU?"

He replied, "Oh, yeah, that's the one!"

Mary Ann Bonneau
Worcester, Massachusetts

Got Laughs?

• Have a funny school story, anecdote, or vignette you'd like to share with other NEA members? You can send contributions to "In the Light Lane," NEA Today, 1201 16th St., N.W., Washington, DC 20036. Fax: 202/822-7206. Send E-mail to neatoday@nea.org.

• Want a classroom chuckle delivered to your E-mail box once a week? Subscribe to the new "In the Light Lane" mailing list. Just send an E-mail to join-lightlane@list.nea.org (no subject or message needed).