Inside Scoop
Sex, Peers, Media--and Family Values

The NEA Health Information Network's 'Can We Talk?' program helps thousands of parents talk with their kids, in English or Spanish.

"Can We Talk?" is a program that gives parents the skills and support they need to discuss healthy relationships and sexuality with their children. Its key feature: Parents talk about these tough topics in the context of their own family values. As a result, it's widely accepted in both liberal and conservative communities. It was created by the NEA Health Information Network, with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Why was this program created?
Dominic Cappello, co-author of "Can We Talk?," says parents want to communicate their values to their children, but even the most conscientious parents often shy away from discussing sexual topics with their children.

Why? "Because their own parents never talked to them about sex," says Cappello. "They are scared to death of the questions they might get from their kids, and how to answer them."

All parents need, he says, is a little help.

"While a school's role in health and sex education is important, talking about sex means talking about family values, and that should be up to the parents," Cappello says. "But it's unfair to tell parents to talk to their kids and then leave them hanging. They don't know how to do it."

How does "Can We Talk?" help?
The program is a series of four workshops for parents--usually held at school--that helps them learn how to talk with their kids about self-esteem, peer pressure, puberty and sexuality, and the mixed messages children get from the media.

Parents receive both training and materials to help them discuss these sensitive issues with their children.

What happens in the workshops?
Each workshop covers a different topic, introduced by a short video. Parents are given an activity book they can use to interact with their children. They practice the exercises and discuss them with the group.

Each exercise contains cartoon drawings of family members, with empty thought and talk bubbles for each character. Parents and children complete the empty bubbles according to their own feelings and beliefs.

"This isn't a program that tells parents what to say or even how to say it," says NEA member Gloria Chapa, who coordinates the program as parent liaison at Edison Middle School in Dallas, Texas.

When do parents need this help?
"Once children reach about 10 years old, parents start wondering what's happening to their 'little angels,'" says Chapa.

"Kids start to notice changes to their bodies and feelings, and their relationships change with their peers and their parents. For a lot of families, communicating becomes increasingly difficult."

But research shows that if the lines of communication stay open, children will develop self-confidence, good relationships with others, and the skills needed to make healthy decisions later in life.

Experts also say that young people who talk with their parents about sex are more likely to postpone sexual activity and to use protection when they do become sexually active.

"'Can We Talk?' gives parents information on what their children are going through both physically and mentally," says Chapa. "They start to realize that all of the changes are healthy and normal.

"The program," she notes, "gives parents the information they need to respond to what's happening."

How are parents responding to "Can We Talk?"
"It's working better than anything I've ever seen in my education career," says Chapa.

"Many parents start crying tears of joy as we share our stories in the second, third, and fourth workshops about our attempts to talk to our kids," Chapa notes. "They just can't believe how much easier it makes the effort."

"I hear from parents on a daily basis who are having incredible success," Cappello adds.

"One mother told me she and her daughter sat down after school one day to do an activity from the workbook, and they stayed up until midnight that night, just talking."

How's the program being used?
The "Can We Talk?" program exists in many different formats in 12 states.

• In Syracuse, New York, the program is sponsored by a mental health organization.

• Since "Can We Talk?" is value-neutral and has parents teaching their children, the Dallas Independent School District is using federal abstinence grant dollars to fund the program.

  With nearly 60 percent of their students coming from Hispanic families, the Dallas schools were so eager to use the program in Spanish that they had a local translator write a Spanish version. This was then cut and pasted into the activity book.

  But such drastic measures aren't needed any longer. NEA recently published a Spanish translation of the materials called "?Conversamos?" And it's having an impact.

  "We're finding that parents who might otherwise be intimidated by the school are coming to the workshops in huge numbers," says Chapa.

  At her school, "Conversamos?" facilitators are reaching out into the community by holding workshops at apartment complexes twice per semester. That way, they reach many parents who have trouble getting to school.

• The Washington Education Association created a nonprofit organization--Washington State Can We Talk--to partner with community-based organizations and reach out to the state's schools.

  "The beauty of the program is that it can be tailored to fit individual needs," says Dennis Worsham, executive director of Washington State Can We Talk.

  Education associations and parent-teacher groups can also use it to collaborate with public health departments and community organizations.

  "It's a way to link schools with the community at several different levels," says Worsham.

--Dina S. G?mez

For More: Go to www.canwetalk.org for information about getting this program started in your community, including sample budgets. Then call the NEA's Can We Talk? staff at 202/822-7570, or E-mail info@canwetalk.org."Can We Talk?" is the basis of the New York Times best-seller Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children about Sex and Character (Hyperion).