My Turn

Teaching: The Real 'Survivor' Show

The TV show Survivor has drawn record audiences who watch a group of people endure physical and mental challenges. This Ohio teacher believes teachers do quite a bit of surviving themselves.

I'm sure there aren't many people out there who haven't heard of the reality TV show Survivor. The show's motto is: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast. This sounds like the motto of the profession of teaching to me. I could go on for pages and pages comparing the television show to the realities of teaching, but I won't. Instead, simply imagine if schools were run like that show.

Here are just a few ideas that might improve our ratings:

Host: Each school should have a spokesperson?a person who appeals to everyone, who explains the rules of the game. Someone who, with a dazzling smile and radiant looks, will break all the news, good or bad, to parents, press, and community. If our ratings drop, we get a new host.

Tribal Council: We wouldn't mind attending staff or in-service meetings more if they involved tiki torches and were held in an exotic locale. The ambiance of a campfire is sure to stir our creative juices and unite us in our cause. But please, no grubs for snacks.

Reward Challenges: On the television show, the tribes are given a challenge. If they win, their tribe receives something special that will make their time on the show a little more comfortable.

We face more challenges in a week than they do the whole length of the series. What's our reward? What do we get to make our time more comfortable? Nothing! Might I suggest a few: a compliment, a thank you, a pat on the back, someone to run all our copies for us, someone to grade our papers, more than a half hour for lunch, a personal secretary, time off for good behavior… You get the idea. We have an endless list. Just ask.

Immunity Idol: "No, I'm sorry. Mrs. Smith is in possession of the immunity idol this week. You may not bother her at all. She has immunity from students, parents and administration. You'll have to call back some other time. Perhaps next year."

Voting Someone Out of the Tribe: This could be the teacher's favorite part. "Mom and Dad, I have some bad news. The tribe has spoken and I have been voted out. I have to find a new tribe at another school."

Sponsors: Advertisers, take note. Companies should provide teachers with clothing and other products. The sign near the door could read, "Teacher's wardrobe this week provided by: The Gap, J. Crew, and Nike." What more could advertisers want? It's a cheap price to pay for exposure to hundreds of possible consumers and their parents. If we look good, they look good.

Automotive Reward: At least one participant in the show drives home in a brand new vehicle. Major car companies see this as a way to advertise their new product to a large audience. Local car dealers could learn a lesson from their big brothers. They could provide a new vehicle every year to a teacher in their local school district. A small but tasteful placard on the vehicle would read, "Mr. Green's car provided by J. Doe's Automotive Sales where we believe that teachers and their cars have a lot of class."

Think of all the places teachers go: PTA meetings, scout events, and more. The vehicle will be seen by a lot of consumers. Of course, dealers should provide us with fire engine red convertibles or sporty SUVs?cars that would really attract the attention of potential buyers.

Merchandising: The producers of the television series have done an excellent job of selling their show to the masses. They even have a line of related merchandise. Maybe it's time for schools to start promoting their teachers. We might be missing out on a potential moneymaker here. What student wouldn't want a calendar that features the teachers in their school? Teacher T-shirts would be flying off the racks. "Oh! You're wearing the latest Miss Miller. I'm going to have to get that one." Teacher trading cards would be swapped on the playground during recess. Eventually, we could branch out into school supplies.

Cash Prize: Cash prize! Cash prize! Enough said.

We play the "Survivor" game every day. By the end of the year, we have outwitted, outplayed and outlasted everyone for nearly 200 days. It's time that we start winning the prizes and rewards.

Editor's Note

Barbara Tropf has been teaching for 10 years at Parkman Elementary, a small rural school east of Cleveland. This year, she's teaching third grade.
Reach her at: www.barbjt@jmzcomputer.com.

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