In the Light Lane
Not Really Naughty

When I entered the cafeteria to pick up my class after lunch, a student rushed up to me and complained that two other students were swearing.

I called the two over to me to attempt to understand the situation. They were highly indignant when I told them of the other child's complaint.

"Oh, no, Mrs. Gaji, we weren't swearing. We would never do that. We were just telling each other all the naughty words that we know."

Kathy Gaji
Binghamton, New York

I teach the English class in the alternative school, housed in our high school. The students are a very eclectic bunch, and although they have a myriad of social issues and are prone to extreme attention-seeking behaviors, they are fascinating and funny.

Last week one of the seniors came to me and said, "Mrs. Erb, Matt shaved off all his eyebrows." I whispered, "Now, Jack, it's not nice to talk about other students in the room. Matt may have been born like that." Jack replied, "No way, Mrs. Erb. He had `em yesterday!"

Lisa Erb
Gibsonia, PA

I was subbing for the art teacher at the school that I retired from in Rowe. When the younger students came into the art room, I noticed a new first grader. I introduced myself to her before we started our project. I sensed that she was a bit afraid of me, so I gave her a bit of extra attention to help her feel at ease.

After I complimented her work, she looked up at me and said, "Mrs. Laffond, were you ever a witch?"

"What would make you think that?" I answered.

"That," she said, pointing to the mole on the side of my face.

"Oh," I chuckled. "No, I was never a witch, but I sure wish I knew how to ride a broomstick!"

"Me too," she smiled.

Wanita Sioui Laffond
Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts

At the beginning of the school year, it's often a challenge to get the kindergarten students to feel comfortable on the school bus.

Sharing a seat with people they don't know isn't an easy adjustment. One afternoon I noticed a little girl talking and laughing with her seat mate. I could not help but say something about how proud I was of her for making a new friend. When I said, "Just think if you made a new friend everyday what you would have."

She responded very quickly, "Too many!"

Vera Wallace
Marana, Arizona

The events of September 11 caused much confusion to the diverse population of my advanced, high school ESL class. At one point in the discussion, a young man from Colombia asked if the terrorists were like the guerrillas in his country.

I thought it was quite an astute observation, one he could best relate to. Then I noticed the young lady from India with a very puzzled look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she quietly remarked that she didn't understand why monkeys would be given guns.

Ann Ribinsky Brown
South Plainfield, New Jersey

I teach high school English at a juvenile court school in northern California. During a literature unit, while discussing early childhood story experiences, I made reference to a lullaby!

Observing some confused looks, I said, "Everyone knows what a lullaby is, right?" One student, without hesitation replied, "Sure, thats the story you tell to the judge!" (Obviously his experiences more recently concerned "alibi.")

Caralyn Carter
Stonyford, California

When teaching first graders at the reading table, I asked the small group to take out the color green from their color boxes.

One girl pulled out a crayon and asked me what was written on the side of the crayon.

Reading it I told her the color was called "Granny Smith." She said, "Oh, I have a Granny and Grampa Smith! They are brother and sister."

I then asked her how she knew that her Granny and Grandpa Smith were brother and sister.

She said, "Oh, they have the same last name as me and my brother."

Theresa Braune
Ames, Iowa

All in a Day's Work

Mrs. Taylor was smiling when she brought her kindergartners to my physical education class.

"You know." she says, "It warms my heart when they call me mommy, but I just want to cry when they call me grandma."

We shared a good laugh as I escorted the students into the gymnasium.

At the conclusion of class, the students like to help me put the p.e. equipment away. "Boys and girls," I began, "Please put the jump ropes in the box, the balls on the shelf, and give me the hula hoops." As I say this, I extended both my arms straight out to the side. Having done this many times, the kids know exactly what to do.

At that moment, Austin instructed the rest of the class, "Give Mrs. Gandolph the hula hoops. She's the hooker."

When Mrs. Taylor returns to pick up her class, I said, "You know, I think I would rather be the grandma than the hooker."

Ann Gandolph
Greenwood, Indiana

After my third graders had studied the solar system, they read their planet reports aloud. One student read his report on Earth. As he read he said, "My planet Earth has land, peace, water, and atmosphere."

When he had completed reading the report, I said, "That was a fine report, but I didn't understand when you said 'peace.'" He replied, "You know--peace on earth." I just smiled and said, "Now I understand."

Monica Helzer
Orange, California

I teach first grade, and one day I asked my students if they remembered what the seasons were. Promptly a little girl in my class perked up and said, "Deer season and bird season, Mrs. Brady!" We all got a good laugh out of this. We then decided that deer season and bird season were "seasons" but that they were part of another season, fall, which we had been studying in our classroom.

Kami Brady
Havre, Montana

During a recent Math lesson, my first grade students were examining pennies with magnifying glasses. We examined the "heads" side and they related all the letters they could see and Abraham Lincoln. I told them to turn the penny over and tell me what they see. Mostof them started calling out, "I see a house!"

"Ms. Sabo! There's a naked man in the house!" I tried to explain thatit was a statue of Abraham Lincoln they were seeing, but all the children were frantically using their magnifying glasses , hoping to see what their classmate had seen. Now, whenever we refer to pennies, someone almost always says, "You mean the one with the naked man on the back?"

Patti Sabo
Bernalillo, New Mexico

I teach first grade and one day asked my students if they remembered what the seasons were. Promptly a little girl in my class perked up and said, "Deer season and bird season Mrs. Brady!" We all got a good laugh out of this and then decided that deer season and bird season were "seasons" but, that they were part of another season, fall, the season that we had been studying in our classroom.

Kami Brady
Havre, Montana

One especially personal recollection of my 30+ years teaching occurred about fifteen years ago near the beginning of that school year.

Walking my third grade class to lunch, I arrived at the cafeteria along with a class of first graders led by their teacher's aide, holding the hand of a little girl who was at the head of the line. The girl and I exchanged smiles and pleasantries, after which the aide, knowing that I taught older children commented, "She's a wonderful student. Just wait until you have her."

He looked puzzled when I quipped, "Have her? I HAD her!" Until I explained, "She's my daughter."

Anise Harkey
Santa Monica, California

I teach mathematics. Our geometry book starts the year off with proofs.

I began class by saying, "Today we are going to discuss the difference between a theorem and a corollary. Find your thinking caps and put them on"! On the chalkboard, I wrote the page number of the book the students needed to turn to. When I turned back toward the students, one student had his hand raised.

"How can I help you"? I asked.

The student responded, "We are not allowed to wear caps in school"!

Michelle Egr
Schuyler, Nebraska

Got Laughs?

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