Departments: In the Light Lane
Facts of Life

A few years ago, I was discussing with students a poem that dealt with the topic of relationships. I asked my morning group of 17-year-olds what they thought made for a good, solid relationship. A few of the class cut-ups shouted out "A LOT OF SEX!" Despite this, we actually had a good discussion.

When it came time for my afternoon English III class, I posed the same question. Of course, from this class, I received the same answer from a different set of cut-ups.

Without thinking, I replied, "You know, guys, I had a lot of sex this morning, so let's get serious!"

The shock and amazement on students' faces and the burning red on mine had us laughing for a good 10 minutes after I explained what happened. These students have long since graduated, but I see them now and then, and they still remind me about it!

Tracey Hopper
North Arlington, New Jersey

One morning, I rang the clean-up bell and everyone started to help clean up. One of my kindergartners came up to me and asked why I didn't help them. I said, "Because I don't make the messes, and it is good practice for you to clean up after yourself."

He took one look around the room and said, "Well, you better clean up your desk then!"

Jessie Escherich
Pickford, Michigan

I was well aware that my hair was overdue to be colored, but I was hoping my middle school classes wouldn't notice. During the Winter Olympics, one of my fifth-grade boys must have been thinking of the previous night's award ceremony. At the beginning of class, he raised his hand and asked, "Mrs. Henkiel, why is your hair both gold and silver?" Needless to say, I made it a point to dye my hair that weekend!

Jane Henkiel
Wellsboro, Pennsylvania

To help my fourth graders master spelling words, I have them use each word in a sentence. I explain to my students that each sentence should demonstrate their understanding of the meaning of the spelling word. I laughed aloud when I read this sentence a student wrote to use the word daily: "My dog gets so hungry, we have to feed him daily, nightly, and sometimes afternoonly."

Charles Koppel
Cheshire, Connecticut

While discussing their futures, my seniors conversed about places they wanted to visit. One spoke up and said, "I always wanted to go to Australia, where they made the Sound of Music." I mildly admonished with, "No, dear, that's Austria." She reproved me with eloquent sarcasm, "Yeah, like it really matters how you pronounce it."

Maureen Hurley
Atwater, California

I was introducing a unit on letter writing to my third grade. I said that I loved getting mail, but could they guess what kind of mail I got? They said "bills," and I added "junk mail." Then I said I really wanted letters from my friends. Could they guess why I never got any? (The answer was that I never wrote to my friends.) "They're all dead," quipped Jeff.

Doris Baum
New Milford, Pennsylvania

One of the terms we cover in eighth-grade science class is classification. We discuss how it is used by both scientists and other people to organize or find things or to draw conclusions. After giving some scientific examples (such as the periodic table and plants vs. animals) we moved on to some examples of classifying in the students' own homes. We discussed clothes, silverware, and their CD collections. The students who didn't use classification realized they often waste a lot of time looking everywhere for the item they wanted. Next, I wanted to see if any of them could guess how I have my record collection classified. A devilish grin came to Ryan's face as he raised his hand and said, "B.C. and A.D."

Eric Manatis-Lornell
East Sandwich, Massachusetts

I taught from 1949 to 1984, working with hundreds of students. One day I was in our village bakery. A nice looking young man came in and we greeted each other. When he walked out I said to my friend, "I think that was the father of one of my children." It didn't occur to me until later why the other customers looked at me so strangely.

Mary Picchietti
Lake Geneva, Wisconsin

I recently announced to my kindergarten students that I was expecting a baby. One of my students from last year, a current first grader, greeted me in the hall with a big hug. At this point in my pregnancy I was definitely showing and assumed that everyone knew of my pregnancy. He said to me, "Mrs. B-G, do you have a baby in your belly?" I answered, "Why yes! Can you tell?"

His reply was, "I could tell that your belly was getting bigger, but I thought that you just ate too much ice cream."

Lisa Bowen-Gotwals
Sellersville, Pennsylvania

One of my students was very concerned about her dog because he was bumping into things in the house. One day she burst into the room with the news that her dog was okay. "There is nothing wrong with the dog's brain," she said. "The only problem is that he has guacamole." I assumed that was the less than scientific name for glaucoma.

Elizabeth Fairweather
Birmingham, Alabama

Recently one of my first graders was complaining that her daddy only got paid once a week. I replied, "You don't get paid every day. Mrs. Kendrick only gets paid once a month." She replied with a quizzical look, "Do you work somewhere?"

Kathy Kendrick
Kingston, Oklahoma

I was serving as an interim principal at an elementary school. At the beginning of the school day, I was making announcements over the intercom. The preschool children were not used to hearing the intercom and were quite surprised with the voice coming out of the wall. One of the students looked to the teacher and asked, "Is that God talking to us?"

John Waggoner
Paducah, Kentucky

My colleague, a history teacher, was spending the last few minutes of a period reading Trivial Pursuit cards to his eighth graders. Having just finished a unit on the American West, Ted was confident that students would know the answer to the question asking for the name of the last great Apache warrior (or words to that effect).

He was looking for "Geronimo," but no one seemed to know the answer. So Ted offered a clue: Generations of children have shouted this man's name when leaping from tree branches or diving into a swimming pool. One young lady finally raised her hand, and in a tentative voice responded, "Timber?"

Katie Wohlever
Perrysburg, Ohio