In the Light Lane
Tiger Beats All

As my advanced ESL class scanned magazines during a free reading period, one student asked me when the Vietnam War took place. I told him.

I then told the class, "There's another war that took place just a few years before most of you were born. It was the Gulf War." "Who did we fight against in the Gulf War?" a student asked. "Iraq," I answered. Just then another student piped up, "You mean Tiger Woods whupped Iraq?"

Lina Valdez-Pena
Tucson, Arizona

I had my second graders finish some common proverbs. Some of their replies:

A bird in the hand is worth a dollar in the bank.
Don't bite the hand that's gross.
It's always darkest before a fight.
Children should be seen and played with.
Where there's smoke, there's a person.
Don't bite the hand that you write with.
You can lead a horse to water, but it will be scared.
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man tired.

Liz Wolf-Spada
Wrightwood, California

I'm a seventh-grade math teacher. It's amusing to see parents "show up" in the actions of their children. The other day, two of my students came up to my desk for help. While they were waiting their turn, one of the girls started to complain to her friend about something that wasn't going her way. Her friend placed her hands on her hips and said, "Would you like a little cheese with that whine?"

Joeleen Stanard
Wonder Lake, Illinois

During our fourth-grade social studies unit on U.S. government, I taught a lesson about our government's system of checks and balances. Unsure of whether the children grasped the concept, I tentatively called on a student who had his hand raised at the lesson's conclusion. "Mr. Koppel," he asked, "if each branch of government is so busy worrying about what the other two branches are doing, how are they going to get anything done?" After thinking about it for a moment, I responded, "Exactly!"

Charles Koppel
Cheshire, Connecticut

My journalism students must submit a beat, a written report that covers specific areas of the school, every two weeks. One of my budding Pulitzer Prize winners recently filed this report from the school nurse: "Many students are reporting to my office with headaches caused by allegories." Blame the English teachers!

Surely the nurse will next be responding to maladies caused by metaphors and symptoms brought on by similes!

Tony Willis
Carmel, Indiana

On the first day of the new school year, I always share the benefits of my English class with the seventh graders. I tell them that they will become better writers, spellers, thinkers, and grammarians. Of course, we have to discuss what a grammarian is!

Just after the discussion, my principal appeared at the door to welcome students. Wanting to show off my pupils, I asked them to tell about the benefits of the class. "Better readers," one chirped; "better writers," replied another. One boy who obviously had not followed the discussion said, "And we'll be better barbarians, too!"

Mary Duncan
Erie, Pennsylvania

On his first day of kindergarten, our little grandson in California returned home and said, "I'm going to ask my teacher to come to my house, and I'm going to tell her that every time she wants to talk, she has to raise her hand."

Lena Schornack
Aberdeen, South Dakota

Each year we have a book fair, and my kindergartners bring money in envelopes to buy books. We always ask parents to write "Book Fair" on the envelope so we know what the money is for. One year while we were having our lessons, a young girl waved her envelope, frantically trying to get my attention. I finally called on her and asked what she wanted. "Here's my money," she replied. Since there was nothing written on the envelope, I asked her what the money was for. "It's for the book fairy," she replied.

Dan Rodgers
La Mirada, California

A sixth-grade teacher in my school told me about a student in one of her classes who had recently taken a statewide math test. The directions on one of the problems asked pupils to prove their answer by making a table or chart. When the teacher looked at this child's work, he had dutifully drawn a table with four legs and a chart on top of it.

Lee Safian
Paterson, New Jersey

A couple of years ago, I took home the science folders to grade over the holidays. I plopped them down on the easy chair to work on them later. Unfortunately, my puppy found them and chewed up the top couple of folders. When we returned to school after the holidays, I told the two girls whose work was mangled that they had the best excuse going: "My teacher's dog ate my homework."

Guy Burleson
Port Arkansas, Texas

My second graders were making a chart of adjectives from A to Z. The class was doing great until we got stumped on the letter L. As I was trying to give clues for words like "lazy" and "lovely," a young student waved his hand wildly. His suggestion: "lactose intolerant." I smiled and said, "Now why didn't I think of that?"

Shannon McFarlane
Alton, Illinois

On NEA's Read Across America day, the aide who works with me began assisting a small group of first graders. She proudly wore the CTA (California Teachers Association) button we had given her to celebrate the day. As she sat down to get the kids started, one little boy pointed at her button and exclaimed, "Hey, they spelled CAT wrong."

Lauren Viscardi
Irvine, California

A little princess in my kindergarten class added enchantment to all my years since by giving my umbrella a new name. Her word? Rainbella.

Geraldine Pratt
Murray, Utah