In the Light Lane
Bottom Feeder

As a middle school counselor, I found that three seventh graders wished to speak with me about some concerns they had about one of their teachers. After patiently allowing them to make their case, I acknowledged their frustration but explained that I had no administrative authority regarding the situation. Assuming they already knew this (which they had), I asked, "Why did you decide to speak to me about this?"

The prompt reply was delightful: "Well, we thought we would start at the bottom and work our way up."

Dan Rothberg
Piscataway, New Jersey

In my grade 4-5 music class, we were preparing to learn something new on the recorder. As I was finding materials on my cart, my resident tattle-tale announced that one of the boys was "using his recorder as a gun!" I thought for a moment and then replied, "Did he kill anyone?" The usually chatty class was quiet until I heard a mumble from the corner of the room, "Good one."

Kay Townsend
Minot, Maine

I stood at my classroom door as my little third graders headed for home. One boy stopped, looked up at me, and said, "You know, Mrs. Muhler, you could probably teach fourth grade, you're smart enough!" I thanked him kindly, for he had made my day.

Wende Hilyard-Muhler
Camano Island, Washington

While I was giving a lecture on ancient Greece in my high school world history course, I brought up the beginning of the marathon during the Persian War. As I unveiled the notes on the overhead screen, I asked the class, "What is a marathon?"

One excited student raised his hand and said, "Isn't that when they replay a bunch of old TV shows all in a row?"

David Laliberte
Saint Paul, Minnesota

While on hall duty in a high school, I noticed that a young man and young woman appeared as one body. I walked over and in my best teacher voice addressed the young man as Romeo, saying, "Didn't I see you with a different Juliet yesterday?" That broke the young lovers apart right away. Now they smile when they see me in the hallway, proving that humor is more effective than a harsh reprimand.

Bunnye Bomar
Lake Mary, Florida

During my first year of teaching, I discovered I was pregnant. Since I could not continue teaching, I chose to resign at Christmas break. On my last day, I wore a maternity dress. A first grader ran up to me and said, "I know what you're going to do!" Pleased by her attention, I asked, "What is that?" She replied, "You're going to get married!"

Glenda Myers
Liberty, Kentucky

During a unit on glaciers, my eighth graders were giving group presentations in which they were the "experts" on a particular feature of glaciers. When the group for "erratic" (a rock found far from its source) kicked off its presentation, the student presenter began with, "This rock is erotic."

Jodi Kyllonen
Glenwood, Minnesota

My seventh-grade math classes were working on the metric system. I asked, "Who can give an example of something weighing in milligrams?" Receiving no answer, I asked, "What do you have in your kitchen cupboard that is weighed in milligrams?" A boy in the front row raised his hand and sheepishly said, "a little pile of dust."

Barbara Daniel
Proctorville, Ohio

I teach visually impaired preschoolers at my school, and we include lots of bouncing and moving activities. One of my girls asked if we could hold her hands while she jumped on the "jumpaline."

Debby Eades
Indianapolis, Indiana

In my second year of teaching grades 1-2, I had the proposal of my life. A first grader ran up to me, gave me a huge hug, and proclaimed, "Mrs. B, I love you and I'm gonna marry you when I grow up." "That's sweet," I replied, "but I'm already married. What about my husband?"

"Oh," he replied confidently, "he'll be dead by then."

Joan Belan
Port Wing, Wisconsin

Kindergarten students were getting ready to work on a pattern project in the computer lab using Kid Pix software. One of the pattern lines used a small stamp of a flower followed by two larger flower stamps. I asked the class what needed to be done to make the flower larger--thinking that they would remember which keys to hold down on the keyboard to accomplish this.

A little girl raised her hand with all seriousness and responded, "You have to water it."

Margaret Tkach
Bridgewater, New Jersey

As a first-year teacher, I'm often challenged with the problem of tattling. In an effort to squelch this, I sometimes use the phrase "mind your own business" or MYOB.

The school librarian found my class very amusing one day when one of my students turned to another and loudly announced, "you guys better just BYOB."

Beckie Baker
Redding, California

A group lesson was interrupted by the classroom phone. The children waited patiently as I took a message from the office and seemed to get back on track when I returned to them. One boy's hand shot up and I expected a question about the subject at hand. Instead, he asked, "Ms. Wise, why do you always answer the phone 'Alien Wise?'"

When the laughter subsided, I explained to him that I was NOT from another planet!

Aileen Wise
Plymouth, Michigan

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