In the Light Lane
Dumbing Down

As part of my meteorology unit, my ninth-grade students were required to teach the class about their selected topic. One young lady had created a wonderful Power Point® presentation on hurricanes. After giving a technical definition of how hurricanes formed, she asked if the students understood. Most did not, so she brought up the next slide and proceeded to explain their formation in simpler terms. The title for this slide read "Hurricane Formation: In lame man's terms."

Amie D'Angelo
Scranton, Pennsylvania

One of my fourth-grade students was reading aloud a story she had written about visiting a pet store. She read, "I pleaded with my mom to buy the dog along with my sister." Trying to point out her grammatical error, I asked, "Did you plead with your mom to buy your sister?"

A boy who was listening in immediately quipped, "That'd sure be a waste of money!"

Debra Short
Arlington Heights, Illinois

I was reading standardized test directions to my fifth graders, stressing several times that nobody was to begin until I said so. I asked if there were any questions before I gave them the green light to start. A "listening-challenged" student raised his hand and said, "Yeah--I don't 'get' number four."

Gary Charles Metz
La Grange Park, Illinois

When you know it may be time to retire.... In this age of VCRs and DVDs, we were having a party in my kindergarten classroom. As we prepared for musical chairs, I asked a mother of one of my students to operate the record player. She took one look at it and said, "I don't know how to run one of those."

Barb Seidel
Strawberry Point, Iowa

The fifth grade had just come in for their weekly music lesson. In response to a question on the day's topic, one child in the back began waving her arm enthusiastically. "I can see that your light bulb has turned on," I told her, "but I'm going to wait for a few more."

My strategy worked. Every hand went up as the class had time to consider an answer--all, that is, but one student sitting down front. In a quiet voice she commented, "My light bulb is on, Mr. McKee. I'm just saving electricity."

Brian McKee
Wellesley, Massachusetts

It's hard getting my second-grade students to understand who their ancestors were. I realized how confused they really were with the concept of "long ago" when we reviewed how the pioneers traveled across America. "In station wagons," one of my students replied.

Kristi Klein
Oviedo, Florida

In a small English language development group, we were discussing weddings. Students were learning vocabulary like bride, groom, church, and reception. We discussed traditions like cutting the cake, tossing rice, and throwing the bouquet. A young man said he saw the bride throw a bouquet once. I asked him if he knew what the item the groom threw was called. He said, "Yeah, the panties."

Tina Costantino-Lane
Chino Hills, California

I was supervising recess when I saw a boy pushing other students. When I told him I needed to talk to him in private, he mouthed a very negative comment toward me and said, "I'm not going anywhere with you." I told him if he didn't come, I'd have to call his mother. "Let's go, this should be fun," he goaded. "I can't wait for her to tell you off--she's tired of the school picking on her kids." Once in the office, I had him call her. His opening? "Hi, Mom, I have detention tonight."

Dan Dunn
Lancaster, Wisconsin

As a resource room teacher, I co-teach daily in a seventh-grade science class. Recently, the science teacher was trying to explain a physics concept. To illustrate, he told the class to imagine his favorite summer sport. Trying to guess the sport, students tried swimming, baseball, and tennis.

I thought I'd offer a hint. Standing behind my colleague, I mimed several swings at an imaginary golf ball. My acting skills must need work because one of the students called out: "Spanking?"

Shannon Ross-Albers
Milan, Michigan

I must have gone overboard when I told a kindergartner how exciting it was going to be to have another baby. He wasn't excited at all, as he already had a little brother. His generous offer?

"Mrs. Lipnick, when the new baby comes, you can have it."

Debbie Lipnick
Dallas, Texas

I was on morning hall duty. A prekindergartner approached me with a shoelace dangling. "Mr. Kircher, can you tie my shoe?" I kneeled down and began to tie the girl's shoe. As I did so, she tapped the crown of my head with her little finger and announced, "Getting a little thin up here." I thanked her for her advisement and sent her on her way!

Peter Kircher
Austin, Texas

Due to repairs, our public address system had been crackling annoyingly for most of the class period. One of my freshmen boys asked, "Why is the P.A. system so noisy?"

Being an English teacher, I tried a creative response. "Maybe aliens are listening in for signs of intelligent life."

The boy brightened, "They won't find any in here!"

Dawn Bratt Bohm
Schofield, Wisconsin

Years ago, when the movie E.T. was popular, I asked my young students to write a composition about meeting an extraterrestrial--where they'd take them, what they'd experience, and so on.

One wide-eyed angel raised her hand and asked, "Miss Mosellie, does it have to be true?"

Weda Mosellie
Phillipsburg, New Jersey

Our class pet had died. Students were sad, but they also began campaigning for a replacement. "Let's get a fish." "No, we want a snake."

"How about a parrot?" Taylor asked. "Why a parrot?" I innocently asked her. "Well, you could train it to say: 'Get to work, get to work.'" Gulp! Guess I overused that phrase.

Claudia Cornish
San Jose, California

During writing time in my senior creative writing class, one student leaned over to a friend and in a soft voice just loud enough for me to hear asked, "How do you spell VCR?"

Jeffrey Peterson
Everly, Iowa