Fibs and Dogs

What was the lamest excuse you ever got for a missing homework assignment?

I heard a new homework excuse a few weeks ago. I have a seventh grade girl who habitually fails to turn in her homework. We had a teacher/parent meeting, contract written, blah, blah, blah. The VERY NEXT DAY after this big meeting, she didn't have her homework because "My momma sold our truck, and my homework was in the truck, so when they drove the truck off, there went my homework!" The whole class gave her a hard time. Now when she doesn't have her homework, the class oftentimes references the truck excuse!

-- Carol Baber
Charlottesville, VA

I had a student tell me the reason for his missing assignment was that I gave too many details and he stopped listening once he thought he knew what to do.

Not the lamest, but certainly different!

-- Debby Heckman
Yates Center Middle School
Yates Center, KS

The first time I assigned homework to my eighth grade language arts class at the beginning of the year, it was unreal the amount of excuses flying. The odd thing was, they were all the same -- STOLEN. Every single person who did not have their homework proclaimed that somebody stole it. I could not believe it -- some pathetic robber broke into the school and stole eighth grade grammar worksheets?

Grammar worksheets, then, must be going for high prices on the black market!

-- Julie Faulkner
Eighth grade language arts
Cookeville, TN

The lamest (or best!) excuse I have heard from a student was a little different from the standard "my dog ate my homework" excuse. This student told me she was done with her assignment, but wouldn't turn it in because her dog went to the bathroom on it! She then proceeded to show me, and sure enough, her dog had gone on her paper. I gave her a new sheet and she turned it in the next day. Evidently, they had problems training that poor little dog, and it just kind of went wherever!

-- Stacy Agnitsch
Sixth grade language and social studies teacher
Saint Edmond Middle School
Fort Dodge, IA

I teach middle school theater, and one of my students explained that he couldn't turn in his assignment because he had to go to football practice and his dad wanted him to complete his "real" homework after practice.

I had another student tell me he could not turn in his homework because he put it in his pants pocket yesterday and now the pants were in the wash.

-- Christine Pabian
West Bloomfield, MI

A student of mine who is "all boy," hunts and fishes, and thinks girls are gross, informed me on a Monday afternoon before class started that he didn't have any time all weekend to do his homework because he was too busy Christmas shopping with his younger sister!

-- Michelle Micija
Ninth grade English teacher
Conway, PA

I was teaching a social studies unit to my sixth graders and had assigned each student to create a "dig in a box" for another student in the class. It snowed the evening before the assignment was due.

The next morning one of my students rushed in the room, extremely upset, exclaiming that his mother used his assignment to sand their steep, icy driveway. It turned out to be true. His mother had no idea that the box of dirt in the garage contained his precious artifacts.

Needless to say, I excused him.

-- Missy Shaw
Middle school social studies and science teacher
Colorado Springs, CO

The lamest excuse I ever received for a missing homework assignment was many years ago from a fifth grader who told me, "My mom used my homework to line the parakeet's cage, so I couldn't bring it in."

-- Valli Wigt
Third grade teacher
Ceres, CA

I'm not sure this is the lamest excuse I ever heard, but it was the funniest:

"My dad's mother was coming to visit and Mom needed to clean up the house. She accidentally threw my homework in the trash -- along with all the other junk that was lying around our house."

-- Jacquie McTaggart
Independence, IA

The best "lame excuse" that wasn't was when a junior high boy told me that his homework had blown away. He had set his notebook on the ground while he waited for the bus, and a powerful gust had blown the notebook open and ripped out several pages, including his work for me. He didn't expect to be believed, but since I had struggled to hold onto my own work that morning, I could believe him.

Yesterday, though, when a high school junior told me his book was in his locker . . . at home . . . and he couldn't remember the combination, that was truly lame.

-- Mary Garrett
St. Peters, MO

Two lame excuses for not having homework done on time come to my mind.

• "My homework was sitting on the piano, and my mom sold the piano last night."
• "My homework fell out of my bookbag on the way to school, and before I could pick it up, a dog peed on it; I didn't think you would want it so I threw it away."

-- Cinda Klickna
English teacher
Springfield, IL

Las Matemáticas

I teach English as a second language math to students in grades 6–8 who speak little English and are very weak in math. Ideas?

-- Pam Luckenbaugh
Edison, NJ

I have asked my high school students from Russia and China to show me copies of texts from their home countries. I made transparencies of some of the graphing problems. Everyone in the class was interested to see what they could tell were comparable problems, even though most could not read the explanations.

-- Ed Schmidt
St. Louis, MO

I would start with your state standards. If they're not available, go to the National Council of Teachers of Mathematics web site, a wealth of helpful information. I teach science (las ciencias) for grades 6-8 in Spanish. I always start with standards. I also pre-assess my students on each topic to learn my students' strengths and misconceptions.

-- Lorri Gilmur-Dillman
Grandview Middle School
Grandview, WA

I teach math to an eighth grade class with a large number of native Spanish speakers who speak little or no English. I present algebra as an international language. The sign over my door reads, "Algebra spoken here."

We begin the year by recognizing that there are many ways to say or write numerical information, and we practice translating. For example, "2+5" can be translated as "two plus five," "the sum of two and five," "five added to two," "dos mas cinco," "la suma de dos y cinco," etc. We write different ways to say addition and post them. We do the same for the other operations.

Each time we learn a new procedure I point out that there are different ways to say it, write it and do it. All are acceptable on assignments. I emphasize vocabulary and point out where the meanings of words come from. This frequently involves an English word that comes from Latin or French roots very similar to Spanish, so I mention that Spanish speakers have an advantage.
I regularly use examples that involve money, and ask the class how much money the answer would be. It is not uncommon for students who think that they are not good at math to do money calculations correctly in their heads.

Since English-speaking culture emphasizes writing while Spanish speakers come from a culture that is more conversational, opportunities to talk out problems and questions in class serve as a bridge to the writing necessary for mathematical proficiency. I also find that prepared practice sheets with instructions in Spanish as well as English together with frameworks that guide the steps for following procedures can provide visual clues that make written work much easier than "now take out a blank sheet of paper...."

-- Maury McCaffrey
Patterson, CA

I use playing cards with my students. For example, if we are working on multiplication, I have an answer grid on hand. Then whatever "family" we are working on, we place that card face up. Then the other cards are face down. One student at a time flips a card, multiplies it by the card that is face up; the other student checks the grid. If correct, they keep the card. If not, they recite the fact aloud, place the card back on the table face down, and the next person would tries. This is best done with a small group, preferably pairs so more facts can be practiced. My GED students need math and language skills, and this technique is most successful. The visuals and numbers are universal. It is a little different from a traditional drill; the students are more relaxed and challenge each other more.

-- Cindy O'Linn
Broward County, FL

Over my past five years of teaching, I have had numerous ESL students in my regular math classroom. Here are some suggestions on how to make your classroom more ESL friendly:

• Identify main concepts and essential supporting details for the student;
• Identify main vocabulary and definitions -- give the students a list of key terms that introduce and summarize information, as well as math key terms;
• Use visuals and demonstrations whenever possible;
• Write key words on the board as you talk -- use print instead of cursive;
• Assign problems that require less English and more visuals such as graphs, maps and pictures;
• Don't worry about giving the students a grade; look for increased performance levels: completes work, uses thinking skills, learned a basic skill, works independently, works neatly, etc.;
• On fill-in-the-blank tests, put a word bank at the top; in matching, do not put in extra words;
• Allow for pass/fail options;
• Give additional time for slow readers;
• Allow students to use foreign language dictionaries;
• Let students create flashcards, with a picture of a math-related item on one side, such as a ruler, and the word "ruler" on the other side -- practice these cards;
• Let the students use a calculator for more difficult problem-solving problems that involve more than the basic skills.

-- Michele Hlebovy
Eighth grade mathematics educator
Norwood, OH

I'm a middle school math teacher. I currently teach sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. I have a few classes that have students that are new to our school system and have little or no exposure to English. I find taking notes and reviewing vocabulary to start with, followed by having students pair-share. I pair students, one with English skills and one without. Students are asked to explain the processes to the other student. This tends to work well. Students tend to listen more to details when their peers are telling them to them.

-- Amber Lockwood
San Diego, CA