Everything We Never Had

Share this Book

Reading Everything We Never Had offers rich opportunities for students to explore themes like identity, intergenerational trauma, communication, and cultural legacy through four generations of Filipino American men. The thoughtful and comprehensive Educator’s Guide by Tricia Ebarvia offers a variety of options for approaching the novel with students and provides pre‑reading activities, discussion questions, and exploration prompts that help students deepen their understanding of how family history, cultural values like utang na loob, and emotional silence shape personal and community identities. It also suggests application activities and independent projects that invite learners to connect the novel’s emotional and cultural insights to their own lives and to broader societal conversations.

Another excellent way to share Everything We Never Had is to have students collect and reflect on their own family stories. By gathering personal histories through conversations or interviews with relatives, students can connect the novel’s themes of identity, legacy, and resilience to their own lives. Guide students in crafting open-ended questions that will encourage family members to tell stories and share impressions.

Encourage them to take advantage of technology to collect family stories. StoryCorps, one of the largest oral history projects of its kind, offers the free StoryCorps app, which walks users through conducting an interview, or students can make videos. After students record their interviews, have them create a brief presentation to share with the class that offers a summary to introduce their family stories. Have students pick favorite quotes and stories from their conversations to share with their classmates to compare and contrast family stories and histories and to discuss how what they learned affected their thinking about the world today.

Questions for Discussion or Reflective Writing

1. How did the four-part narrative structure affect your understanding of how trauma, silence, and inherited values move through the Maghabol family?
2. In what ways does the Filipino concept of utang na loob, or “a debt from within,” influence the choices Enzo and Chris make about caring for Emil? How does each of them interpret this responsibility, and what does that reveal about them? Do you have a similar sense of obligation to family and community? How does it affect your family dynamics?
3. How is masculinity portrayed across the generations? What do you think each character learns—or fails to learn—about expressing vulnerability? Have you ever felt pressured to act a certain way because of expectations around gender or identity? How do societal definitions of masculinity continue to evolve, and how are those changes reflected in younger generations?
4. What role does history—particularly Filipino American history—play in shaping each character’s identity and sense of belonging? How does Emil’s decision not to teach Chris about Filipino history or language affect Chris’s self-understanding and his view of his father? When thinking about your own cultural background, do you feel a sense of connection, distance, or curiosity? How does the erasure or neglect of a particular cultural history affect people?
5. What key historical and political moments frame the personal experiences of the Maghabol men? In what ways do these events shape their fears, decisions, and identities? Are there events in your lifetime that you feel have shaped your identity or your family’s story? How do global or national events continue to shape how people experience belonging in America?
6. How does each narrator's relationship to trauma reveal different strategies for survival or avoidance? What do you notice about how trauma gets passed down in this family? What does Enzo’s perspective offer that his ancestors’ could not? How do you interpret his role in possibly breaking generational cycles, or at least seeing them clearly? What patterns or struggles in your own family or community have you noticed that feel inherited or are repeating?
7. What meaning does the title Everything We Never Had take on by the end of the novel? Which of the characters’ experiences resonated with you the most, and why? 

Related Resources

An Educator’s Guide to Everything We Never Had from Penguin School & Library

Author Chat with Randy Ribay from Books and Boba

The tricky obligations of utang na loob from NPR Code Switch